Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Tour Day 30, 31, and 32

Miles driven so far: 6289
Bookstores visited so far: 291
Books signed so far: 2548
Books hand sold so far: 169
Bookstores remaining: 209

Rustymobile stories:

  • Barry Eisler, while driving the Rustymobile through NY, was unimpressed with the less-than-responsive acceleration of my Suzuki Sidekick. To quote Barry: "What have you got under the hood, a sewing machine?" I responded that it got 32 stitches to the gallon. Then I began to sing the Welcome Back Kotter theme when we entered Brooklyn, which annoyed him to no end.

  • In West Haven Connecticut I got a flat tire. The culprit was a screw. I'm not sure how a screw, lying on the road, can pierce a steel belted radial, but this one did. I removed it with, you guessed it, a screwdriver, then did the rubber patch/fix a flat thing.

  • The Rustymobile's air conditioning is functioning in this heat wave, but the leak is producing large amounts of water. I had to buy a bigger bucket to catch the dripping on the passenger side.

  • I was almost hit by a truck the other day. It was entirely the other driver's fault. I was eating a sandwich, talking on the phone, programming my GPS, and I'd drifted into his lane and he didn't honk his horn fast enough. Some people shouldn't be allowed on the road.

  • I locked my keys in my car at a gas station. Since I only have one key, I always check my pockets before I lock the doors. In this case, I was getting rid of some accumlated garbage and left my keys on the front seat, then slammed the door without thinking. Luckily, the window was open a centimeter. I taped together some gas station straws and made the end into a hook, then fished the keys off the seat. My wife told me that I was really clever, but a clever man wouldn't have locked his keys in the car in the first place.

  • The aforementioned Barry Eisler, disgusted at how filthy my windshield was, finally pulled into a gas station to clean it himself. True to form, he did a great job, and made it seem like natural causes. Welcome back, Barry!

  • I stayed overnight at the lovely and talented Jackie Kessler's house, and we tag-teamed a few stores. (Jackie writes paranormal romance, and her new book, Hell's Belles, comes out next year. Check out her new website.) The Rustymobile has a tiny quirk where the passenger side door doesn't lock unless you lift the handle while closing it. Between this, and the water dripping between her feet from the air conditioning, Jackie sweetly said in reference to the Rustymobile, "I really like those signs your publisher made for you."

For those interested, I'll be on World Talk Radio Writer's Roundtable today from 12pm until 2pm Eastern. Click on the above link to listen live, or visit it later to hear it in the archives. James Rollins will also be on with me.

For those looking to buy signed copies of my books, here's where I've been lately:

Borders North Attleboro MA

Borders Express North Attleboror MA

BN Warwick NY

BN Middletown RI

The Book House of Stuyvesant Plaza Albany NY

Borders Albany NY

Borders Clifton Park NY

BN Albany NY

BN Schenectady NY

Walden Albany NY

Walden Latham NY

Borders Express Schenectady NY

Borders Saratoga Springs NY

BN Saratoga Springs NY

Walden Warwick RI

BN Dartmouth MA

BN East Walpole MA

Walden Saratoga Springa NY

BN Bellingham MA

BN Holyoke MA

BN Pittsfield MA

BN Kingston NY

Walden Kingston NY

Walden Paramus NJ

BN Pughkeepsie NY

Borders Poughkeepsie NY

BN Newbury NY

Borders Ramsey NJ

Borders 230 Garden State Plaza Paramus NJ

Borders Rt 17 Paramus NJ

BN Paramus NJ

Also, the other night I had dinner with the very funny mystery writer Tom Schreck, who just signed a two book deal. He paid for dinner, so I urge everyone reading this to buy his Short stories. Click here for the latest. It's funny. You'll like it. And it's only 49 cents.


LA Burton said...

Joe- you should write a book about this when you are done. It will be so funny.

Bob Farley said...

Having locked my keys in the house a couple of times recently, and being a similarly clever man, I have to think that quite often the clever have more clever things to think about than mere keys and the like.

Unknown said...

Glad you posted the link World Talk Radio, Joe - good interview!

rkcooke said...

Great line about Barry Eisler cleaning the windshield and making it seem like natural causes.

Of course, if people haven't read his books they won't get it....

Word verification: "uaescari," which is what an Italian says to Stephen King.

Anonymous said...

You are either having a hell of great time or starting to slip over the edge of sanity.

MikeH said...


Glad to see you finally made it to Albany. Too bad I now live 3,000 miles away. Your tour is now on an upward swing—after Albany, it can only get better. That said, the Book House in Stuyvesant Plaza is still one of my favortie indies.

If you every decide to do a '500' tour in England, I'll be sure to greet you at our local Ottacker's.

Tom Schreck said...

At dinner at Hattie's Chicken Shack in Saratoga, New York Joe Konrath said the side dish of greens I ordered for my wife smelled like ass.

If that isn't a great literary mind at work I don't know what is.

RedWritingHood said...

You are ruining my fragile perception that writers are rich, lol.

Mary Louisa said...

Tried to catch you (or your signed books) at the Wilmington, DE Borders on Concord Pike yesterday about 5:30pm, but I guess you weren't there yet. I think I'd be several weeks behind at this point, but you probably showed up a few hours after I was there.

Anonymous said...

I wonder how Joe would describe a heapin plate of chitlins :D

Barry Eisler said...

The windshield wasn't so bad, really; no worse than what you'd get if you mixed milk and library paste and let children smear the mixture all over the glass with their feet. I'm just fussy, that's all...

Great tackling NYC with you, Joe, you are indefatigable! And great cell phone company on a tour, too. Of course, when I'm done this Friday, I'm having my phone turned off for the balance of your tour... but I'll be thinking of you constantly...

Keep it up amigo.


Bernita said...

Told you, I did, that you had to watch out for those idiots on the road.

Anonymous said...

Joe, unrelated question. Do you have any idea how the library caper did? I may have missed your comments on this.

Jackie said...

Thanks for the mention, Joe! It was a true pleasure -- and dude, I'll ride shotgun in the Rustymobile any time!

((Jackie waves)) Hi, Tom!

Jude Hardin said...

Question: What happens to the Rustymobile when your done in Florida and head for California? Plan on abandoning it somewhere near the airport?

I guess you could always donate it to Ripley's Believe It Or Not in St. Augustine. :)

Dhewco said...

Eileen, can't the insane have a good time?

Joe, don't sell yourself short . . . I'd bet even Stephen Hawking has less than brilliant moments.

Someone once said, you can't be smart about everything at all times.

Mindy Tarquini said...

Joe, did I mention to you that I picked up Bloody Mary at a ShopRite in New Jersey? ShopRite is owned by Kroger, I think. So you are in at least one big box store.

Anonymous said...

Steve G,
I'll not anticipate Joe's thoughts... But, having seen photographic evidence of just how much effort he put into the Library Campaign, it's amazing. I will say that his colleague-in-crime, Julia Spencer-Fleming had a bit of a head start in the library market, and is now engaged in a library bookclub campaign, in large part sponsored by her publisher (St. Martin's) which would not have happened but for her project with Joe. I suspect that Joe's campaign, like so many marketing efforts, will not show immediately demonstrable results, but WILL show metrics over time. And, like his Rusty Nail 500, Joe is on the cutting edge, blazing a trail for midlisters everywhere. And, from here on in, he has the indefatigable support of at least one other author I know... Go-o-o Joe!

Anonymous said...

Thank you, Sir. I appreciate your comments. I also wish the best for Joe and Julia in their efforts.

Tom Schreck said...


What was the name of that bourbon you were telling me about?

(Hi Jackie!)

Anonymous said...

Holy Crap! I had to stop listening to that World Talk Radio interview a short time after the host was patting herself on the back by going out of her way to give food to homeless people to keep them away from paying customers. How do you not laugh at "Kino every nite" at B&N? Or the "hug a homeless person" campaign? Did they ever get around to talking about your book?

Anonymous said...

Keep up the good work.

Your blog 500 Tour sounds like fun


Anonymous said...

Joe - I'm coming around more and more to your point of view.

In fact, I've even coined a new phrase. To "Konrath": When you really pull out the stops to promote a book.

Glad you're doing well on the tour.

Anonymous said...

Hey, somebody tell Joe that Maine writer Tess Gerritsen has some great things to say about him over at this morning, in an interview with Elaine Flinn, and y'all hustle on over there and take a gander. It's one of the very best new "rotating" blogs. Course, knowing Joe he planted the story! And if Joe's tour just lasts a little longer, he could do some gigs with Tess's Mephisto Club extravaganza. It would be like going to the All-Star game!
Go-o-o Joe!

JA Konrath said...

Thanks all for the kind words.

The best bourbon in the world is Blanton's. For God's sake, don't tell the Jack Daniels people I said that...