Monday, December 12, 2005

Super Holiday Super Contest

If you, or someone you know, liked WHISKEY SOUR and BLOODY MARY, this contest is for you. You'll win a signed, bound first pass copy of RUSTY NAIL.

A first pass is a formatted manuscript, given to the author for a final read-through to check for typos.

This one-of-a-kind item comes complete with my handwritten changes, and will be signed and personalized.

Not only do you get to read the book six months before everyone else, but this sure-to-be-a-collector's-item will certainly sell for big bucks on ebay when I'm dead, and truth be told I'm not feeling very well lately.

To enter, answer the following question:

What is the name of my hero in the Lt. Jacqueline "Jack" Daniels series?

All entries will be coated in chocolate syrup and put into a bowl. The first one my dog eats is the winner. (Incidentally, my dog's name is Jacqueline Daniels, named after the hero of my novels.)

You will also get some signed coasters and maybe some other crap I have on my desk. Like this pen.


  1. Um... it's not Frodo Baggins?

    Googling... thinking hard... racking brains... consulting oracle... consulting Oracle... consulting Oracle consultant...

    Jaqueline 'Jack' Daniels!

  2. Am I the only one who liked Bilbo more than Frodo?

    Bilbo had spunk. Personality. Character.

    Frodo moped.

  3. This is an easy one: It's Mr. Friskers! Wait...never mind. I'm pretty sure it's Lt. Jaqueline "Jack" Daniels. At least, I hope it is; or there's some other dude out there publishing books with your name on them.

  4. Great writers always paint pictures with words. I'm getting a great visualization from this post: J.A. in his back yard, bending over and manually extracting a slip of paper from a mound of doo doo. "And the winner IS..."

    Gives a whole new meaning to "first pass."

    So really, Joe, how do we win this prize? The answer is obvious (unless it's a trick question. Ah ha! Of course, Jaqueline Daniels is the HEROINE. Now who would be the hero? Hmmm), but I'm still not clear on how the contest works.

    As the protagonist in my current project says, "The only good whiskey comes from Kentucky."

    Better lay off the JD, J.A.

  5. Here's a hint: The answer is Lt. Jacqueline "Jack" Daniels.

    I'll also accept:

    Jack Daniels
    Lt. Daniels
    Lt. Jack
    Lt. Jacqueline Daniels
    The Jackster
    That cop
    Hey you
    That woman, with the gun
    Yo mama
    Kay Scarpetta
    Gentleman Jack
    You know, the one with the liquor name
    Jack Kennedy
    Charlie Daniels
    Charlie Daniels Band
    Jack up my car
    Jaime (prounounced Hi-May)
    Jaime (pronounced Jay-Me)
    Jaime (prounouced Stee-Ven)
    and Jack

  6. Joe,

    Goddamn it, you had me laughing so hard I spewed Wild Turkey all over my keyboard. Okay, so how do we enter the contest? Do you need email addresses or what?

  7. I'll accept "Wild Turkey."

    Consider yourself entered.

  8. As long as you're accepting Wild Turkey, stop by the house next time you're in Florida. I usually have a 1.75L in the pantry.

  9. Lt. Jacqueline "Jack" Daniels.

  10. Lt. Jacqueline Daniels

  11. That woman, with the gun

  12. You know, the one with the liquor name

  13. Charlie Daniels Band

  14. the reason I'm thinking about JKAnon

  15. Jaime (prounounced Hi-May)
    Jaime (pronounced Jay-Me)
    Jaime (prounouced Stee-Ven)
    Jaime (pronounced "the baby on Malcolm in the Middle")

  16. and Jack as the hero

  17. Wow, alphabeter REALLY wants to win.

    Jaqueline 'Jack' Daniels!

  18. Am I the only one who liked Bilbo more than Frodo?

    No, you're not. But then the real hero of LOTR was Sam.

  19. Please multiply my entry by infinity so that I might compete with alphabeter.

    The formula would look something like this:

    Lt. Jack Daniels X (Infinity + 2) = Rob Wins

    Thank you.

  20. Please coat my entry with liver (with onions and fava beans and a nice Chianti).

    I've heard chocolate isn't good for dogs.

  21. I'll enter "Lt. Jacqueline 'Jack' Daniels, of the Chicago Police Department," just to satisfy my recovering-lawyer's need for detail. Or to be an asshole, I'm not sure which.

    But I really wanted to say, "The Gingerbread Man."

    Speaking of whiskey, I agree with Capt. Anomalous. It ain't whiskey if it ain't from Kentucky, but I have that remedied. If you're ever in Boston, the offer stands.

    Small-batch all around.


  22. Jaqueline Daniels--hope your dog is hungry. :)

  23. Hey! Alphabetter is stuffing the box (and probably the dog). Too much chocolate isn't good for the pooch, ya know. Cover mine in gravy, and PICK ME. Heehee. :)

  24. *waves hand in air*

    I got it! I GOT IT!

    Lt. Jaqueline 'Jack' Daniels!

    Bilbo had Leonard Nimoy sing a song for him. Go Bilbo!

    Jack Daniels is a girl, by the way.

    No fair on the ballot stuffing, from Philadelphia?

  25. ...oh hell - I've got your Whiskey Sour coaster sticking right between the Jameson and the Guinness coasters over my wine bar ... my bookshelves are filled ... probably have to dump something to make room for it ...

    ..let's see, your hero? Well, I've read Whiskey Sour and I'm halfway through Bloody Mary and that damn cat is driving me nuts ..

    I personally think that Herb is the real hero - but you'll probably insist that it's that Daniels woman .. just can't understand why you think so. ..

    Anyway, wait till I get this huge glass of pinotage closer ...

    Cheers Joe!

  26. You guys are good. I expected to stump at least a few people.

  27. Posts like this make me wonder about the people who dont know the characters name is Wild Turkey... ert I mean Lt. Jacqueline "Jack" Daniels.

    Bilbo Rocked, way better than Frodo, and he was not afraid to use the ring.

  28. My Answer: Jack Daniels! :D

  29. Ah....the answer
    Lt. Jacqueline "Jack" Daniels

  30. I still say Kentucky whiskey is the best. And don't ever make the mistake of calling that Tennessee sour mash "bourbon." Any connoisseur knows that true bourbon is only made in Kentucky, same as true Scotch is only made in Scotland.

    Joe: Have you ever considered changing the name of your protagonist to Jim Beam?

  31. I was stumped until I open a bottle of liquer. Then the floor came to me.

    I'm glad to see the comments open again. I was afraid I'd broken them.

    I blame my entry technique square on Lazlo Hollyfeld.
    D E I!
    And if someone gets that reference, I'll send along the dog hair that will accompany my prizes.

    It takes dedication to type in all those word verfications.

    joe, Peter Jackson is working on getting the rights to "Hobbit". Having played one the illustrious Kili in a community theater production, I can definitely say Bilbo Rocks!

    I am not from, not in nor near Philadelphia. However I really like the original Philadelphia Story with Katherine Hepburn and Cary Grant.

    And rob--Infinity x Infinity plus one! NAH

  32. Um... Wild guess: Jacqueline "Jack" Daniels?

    My favourite hobbit is actually Lobelia, I think.

  33. The contest has ended.

    My dog didn't pick out the winner---my son did, out of a hat.

    Apparently, the more you enter, the better chance you have to win, because Alphabeter won.

    Let this be a lesson to all of you who play the lottery. If you want to win a million dollars, buy 500,000 tickets and the odds will be improved.

    Happy Holidays everyone!

  34. Congratulations Alphabeter!

  35. Yay! Alphabeter!

    Know what? First when I read this contest I thought the prize was that Joe was going to send the lucky winner a final draft of his novel and make us fix his spelling and comma placement, crummy sentence structure and whatever.

    Need to get the prescription checked again.

  36. Thank you Joe!
    I am going to be so rich on eBay---NOT.

    I hereby take back every word I cursed while looking for the secret page.

    And I will send out that dog hair.

    Special thank you to Neal Israel for writing a cool movie that gave me the idea.

    Does this mean I have to thank Joe when I win the Pulitzer for fiction documenting all this craziness?

  37. MG

    I think the point of the contest was to see who could get him the most publicity.

    I may owe Joe's son some chocolate.

  38. Well, hell, I can get him lots of publicity. I can get together with my fellow Bunions and offer parodies of Whiskey Sour and Bloody Mary on Bunionzon dot com.

    As soon as I get that part of the site back up again, I mean.

    Might do it anyway. Why should Harry Swatter and Pet Seminary get all the fun?

  39. Pet Seminary?!

    There are things I'm too young to know.

  40. I've been trying hard to send the book to alphabeter using my psychic powers, but it hasn't been working.

    I guess I need an address. Email me.

  41. There are things I'm too young to know.

    Wait until you read Nick Nova: Galactic Gigolo.

    Joe, if it turns out that Alphabeter doesn't have an address. I mean, if it turns out she lives in a cardboard box on the third shelf in a back room of the library, will you run the contest again?

  42. MG! Don't make me regret giving you a clue!


    I thought you had my address from the super secret page form Joe.

    I'll send it again.

  43. MG! Don't make me regret giving you a clue!

    *whistles quietly in background*

    I'm not saying he SHOULD rerun the contest, just in case it does turn out you live in a cardboard box on the third shelf... don't, do you?

  44. May your children edit your grammar in front of company MG. 8>P

  45. Actually...they've already done that.

  46. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.


Thanks for the comment! Joe will get back to you eventually. :)