Monday, December 12, 2005

Super Holiday Super Contest

If you, or someone you know, liked WHISKEY SOUR and BLOODY MARY, this contest is for you. You'll win a signed, bound first pass copy of RUSTY NAIL.

A first pass is a formatted manuscript, given to the author for a final read-through to check for typos.

This one-of-a-kind item comes complete with my handwritten changes, and will be signed and personalized.

Not only do you get to read the book six months before everyone else, but this sure-to-be-a-collector's-item will certainly sell for big bucks on ebay when I'm dead, and truth be told I'm not feeling very well lately.

To enter, answer the following question:

What is the name of my hero in the Lt. Jacqueline "Jack" Daniels series?

All entries will be coated in chocolate syrup and put into a bowl. The first one my dog eats is the winner. (Incidentally, my dog's name is Jacqueline Daniels, named after the hero of my novels.)

You will also get some signed coasters and maybe some other crap I have on my desk. Like this pen.

74 comments:

Dean said...

Um... it's not Frodo Baggins?

Googling... thinking hard... racking brains... consulting oracle... consulting Oracle... consulting Oracle consultant...

Jaqueline 'Jack' Daniels!

JA Konrath said...

Am I the only one who liked Bilbo more than Frodo?

Bilbo had spunk. Personality. Character.

Frodo moped.

Rob said...

This is an easy one: It's Mr. Friskers! Wait...never mind. I'm pretty sure it's Lt. Jaqueline "Jack" Daniels. At least, I hope it is; or there's some other dude out there publishing books with your name on them.

Jude Hardin said...

Great writers always paint pictures with words. I'm getting a great visualization from this post: J.A. in his back yard, bending over and manually extracting a slip of paper from a mound of doo doo. "And the winner IS..."

Gives a whole new meaning to "first pass."

So really, Joe, how do we win this prize? The answer is obvious (unless it's a trick question. Ah ha! Of course, Jaqueline Daniels is the HEROINE. Now who would be the hero? Hmmm), but I'm still not clear on how the contest works.

As the protagonist in my current project says, "The only good whiskey comes from Kentucky."

Better lay off the JD, J.A.

JA Konrath said...

Here's a hint: The answer is Lt. Jacqueline "Jack" Daniels.

I'll also accept:

Jack
Jacqueline
Jack Daniels
Lt. Daniels
Lt. Jack
Lt. Jacqueline Daniels
Jackie
Jack-O
The Jackster
That cop
Hey you
That woman, with the gun
Yo mama
Kay Scarpetta
Jackay
Jacques
Gentleman Jack
You know, the one with the liquor name
Jack Kennedy
Charlie Daniels
Charlie Daniels Band
Phil
Jackalope
Jack up my car
Merv
Jaime (prounounced Hi-May)
Jaime (pronounced Jay-Me)
Jaime (prounouced Stee-Ven)
Mojo
and Jack

Bill Peschel said...

I'll pass on this. As a book reviewer, I can't be bribed with a book. It's spare change or nothing.

Myself, I liked Merry and Pippin. They rocked when they weren't on the pipe-weed.

Jude Hardin said...

Joe,

Goddamn it, you had me laughing so hard I spewed Wild Turkey all over my keyboard. Okay, so how do we enter the contest? Do you need email addresses or what?

JA Konrath said...

I'll accept "Wild Turkey."

Consider yourself entered.

Jude Hardin said...

As long as you're accepting Wild Turkey, stop by the house next time you're in Florida. I usually have a 1.75L in the pantry.

Alphabeter said...

Lt. Jacqueline "Jack" Daniels.

Alphabeter said...

Jack

Alphabeter said...

Jacqueline

Alphabeter said...

Jack Daniels

Alphabeter said...

Lt. Daniels

Alphabeter said...

Lt. Jack

Alphabeter said...

Lt. Jacqueline Daniels

Alphabeter said...

Jackie

Alphabeter said...

Jack-O

Alphabeter said...

The Jackster

Alphabeter said...

That cop

Alphabeter said...

Hey you

Alphabeter said...

That woman, with the gun

Alphabeter said...

Yo mama

Alphabeter said...

Kay Scarpetta

Alphabeter said...

Jackay

Alphabeter said...

Jacques

Alphabeter said...

Gentleman Jack

Alphabeter said...

You know, the one with the liquor name

Alphabeter said...

Jack Kennedy

Alphabeter said...

Charlie Daniels

Alphabeter said...

Charlie Daniels Band

Alphabeter said...

Phil

Alphabeter said...

Jackalope

Alphabeter said...

the reason I'm thinking about JKAnon

Alphabeter said...

Jack up my car

Alphabeter said...

Merv

Alphabeter said...

Jaime (prounounced Hi-May)
Jaime (pronounced Jay-Me)
Jaime (prounouced Stee-Ven)
Jaime (pronounced "the baby on Malcolm in the Middle")

Alphabeter said...

Mojo

yeah baby

Alphabeter said...

and Jack as the hero

Kim H said...

Wow, alphabeter REALLY wants to win.

Jaqueline 'Jack' Daniels!

Jim Winter said...

Annakin. Now when's he gonna turn to the Dark Side?

Dean said...

Am I the only one who liked Bilbo more than Frodo?

No, you're not. But then the real hero of LOTR was Sam.

Rob said...

Please multiply my entry by infinity so that I might compete with alphabeter.

The formula would look something like this:

Lt. Jack Daniels X (Infinity + 2) = Rob Wins

Thank you.

Jude Hardin said...

Please coat my entry with liver (with onions and fava beans and a nice Chianti).

I've heard chocolate isn't good for dogs.

Adam Hurtubise said...

I'll enter "Lt. Jacqueline 'Jack' Daniels, of the Chicago Police Department," just to satisfy my recovering-lawyer's need for detail. Or to be an asshole, I'm not sure which.

But I really wanted to say, "The Gingerbread Man."

Speaking of whiskey, I agree with Capt. Anomalous. It ain't whiskey if it ain't from Kentucky, but I have that remedied. If you're ever in Boston, the offer stands.

Small-batch all around.

Adam

Mark Terry said...

I think the junk on your desk should go to alphabeter for sheer bandwidth, if nothing else.

I do think Frodo moped. And really, why carry the freakin' sword if you're not gonna use it.

And where the hell's my ARC, dude? :)

Word verification: check ze puppy chow!

MissWrite said...

Jaqueline Daniels--hope your dog is hungry. :)

MissWrite said...

Hey! Alphabetter is stuffing the box (and probably the dog). Too much chocolate isn't good for the pooch, ya know. Cover mine in gravy, and PICK ME. Heehee. :)

M. G. Tarquini said...

*waves hand in air*

I got it! I GOT IT!

Lt. Jaqueline 'Jack' Daniels!

Bilbo had Leonard Nimoy sing a song for him. Go Bilbo!

Jack Daniels is a girl, by the way.

No fair on the ballot stuffing, Alphabater...you from Philadelphia?

Pat Mullan said...

...oh hell - I've got your Whiskey Sour coaster sticking right between the Jameson and the Guinness coasters over my wine bar ... my bookshelves are filled ... probably have to dump something to make room for it ...

..let's see, your hero? Well, I've read Whiskey Sour and I'm halfway through Bloody Mary and that damn cat is driving me nuts ..

I personally think that Herb is the real hero - but you'll probably insist that it's that Daniels woman .. just can't understand why you think so. ..

Anyway, wait till I get this huge glass of pinotage closer ...

Cheers Joe!

Suzanne R said...

And the answer is ... Jack Daniels! Thank you, thank you. Could I get that misc. desk crap coated in chocolate too?

JA Konrath said...

You guys are good. I expected to stump at least a few people.

JessieGirl said...

Posts like this make me wonder about the people who dont know the characters name is Wild Turkey... ert I mean Lt. Jacqueline "Jack" Daniels.

Bilbo Rocked, way better than Frodo, and he was not afraid to use the ring.

Maryann said...

Color me quirky, but I loved Sam...devoted,yep...and I love a guy who would carry me up a hill,out of the lava and all that Besides, he seems to be the only hobbit who can cook!
Oh... Jacqueline Daniels (my answer to that little contest), and I's rather have it all covered in Bailey's if you don't mind :o)

Angelle Trieste said...

My Answer: Jack Daniels! :D

Aldo said...

Ah....the answer is...er...
Lt. Jacqueline "Jack" Daniels

Jude Hardin said...

I still say Kentucky whiskey is the best. And don't ever make the mistake of calling that Tennessee sour mash "bourbon." Any connoisseur knows that true bourbon is only made in Kentucky, same as true Scotch is only made in Scotland.

Joe: Have you ever considered changing the name of your protagonist to Jim Beam?

Alphabeter said...

I was stumped until I open a bottle of liquer. Then the floor came to me.

I'm glad to see the comments open again. I was afraid I'd broken them.

I blame my entry technique square on Lazlo Hollyfeld.
D E I!
And if someone gets that reference, I'll send along the dog hair that will accompany my prizes.

It takes dedication to type in all those word verfications.

joe, Peter Jackson is working on getting the rights to "Hobbit". Having played one the illustrious Kili in a community theater production, I can definitely say Bilbo Rocks!

I am not from, not in nor near Philadelphia. However I really like the original Philadelphia Story with Katherine Hepburn and Cary Grant.

And rob--Infinity x Infinity plus one! NAH

HawkOwl said...

Um... Wild guess: Jacqueline "Jack" Daniels?

My favourite hobbit is actually Lobelia, I think.

JA Konrath said...

The contest has ended.

My dog didn't pick out the winner---my son did, out of a hat.

Apparently, the more you enter, the better chance you have to win, because Alphabeter won.

Let this be a lesson to all of you who play the lottery. If you want to win a million dollars, buy 500,000 tickets and the odds will be improved.

Happy Holidays everyone!

Jude Hardin said...

Congratulations Alphabeter!

M. G. Tarquini said...

Yay! Alphabeter!

Know what? First when I read this contest I thought the prize was that Joe was going to send the lucky winner a final draft of his novel and make us fix his spelling and comma placement, crummy sentence structure and whatever.

Need to get the prescription checked again.

Alphabeter said...

Thank you Joe!
I am going to be so rich on eBay---NOT.

I hereby take back every word I cursed while looking for the secret page.

And I will send out that dog hair.

Special thank you to Neal Israel for writing a cool movie that gave me the idea.

Does this mean I have to thank Joe when I win the Pulitzer for fiction documenting all this craziness?

Alphabeter said...

MG

I think the point of the contest was to see who could get him the most publicity.

I may owe Joe's son some chocolate.

M. G. Tarquini said...

Well, hell, I can get him lots of publicity. I can get together with my fellow Bunions and offer parodies of Whiskey Sour and Bloody Mary on Bunionzon dot com.

As soon as I get that part of the site back up again, I mean.

Might do it anyway. Why should Harry Swatter and Pet Seminary get all the fun?

Alphabeter said...

Pet Seminary?!

There are things I'm too young to know.

JA Konrath said...

I've been trying hard to send the book to alphabeter using my psychic powers, but it hasn't been working.

I guess I need an address. Email me.

M. G. Tarquini said...

There are things I'm too young to know.

Wait until you read Nick Nova: Galactic Gigolo.

Joe, if it turns out that Alphabeter doesn't have an address. I mean, if it turns out she lives in a cardboard box on the third shelf in a back room of the library, will you run the contest again?

Alphabeter said...

MG! Don't make me regret giving you a clue!

Oops.

I thought you had my address from the super secret page form Joe.

I'll send it again.

M. G. Tarquini said...

MG! Don't make me regret giving you a clue!

*whistles quietly in background*

I'm not saying he SHOULD rerun the contest, just in case it does turn out you live in a cardboard box on the third shelf...

um...you don't, do you?

Alphabeter said...

May your children edit your grammar in front of company MG. 8>P

M. G. Tarquini said...

Actually...they've already done that.

Mat Landers said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
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