Create-A-Story

I'm in a silly mood, because I have waaaaay too much work to do and not enough time to do it, plus I just got my hardcover copies of RUSTY NAIL and they rock and I'm damn happy.

So it's time to goof off.

Here's the game. You have six sentences to add a section to a hardboiled detective story. Sex and violence are good. Funny is good.

Put your six sentences in the comments section. There doesn't have to be any continuity between sections, other than this:

1. The first main character is a Chicago private detective named Skip Fancy.

2. The action all takes place in Skip's office.

3. The second main character is a bombshell named Ilsa. She's trying to hire Skip for something.

Stick to the characters and the setting, but everything else is up for grabs. I'll start:

Skip Fancy was polishing his gun when someone knocked at the door. Normally, Skip liked knockers--they were two of his favorite things--but in this case knockers could only mean one thing; someone was at the door.

"I'm coming!" Skip said. Then he tucked his gun back into his pants and zipped up his fly.

He opened the door and inhaled sharply---so sharply he cut himself, right on that little dangly thing that hung in the back of his throat like a big pink upsidedown exclamation point. What was that little dangly thing called, and what the hell did it do anyway?

Interviewing 101

I've done quite a few interviews, both live and through email, and I always make sure I avoid the Common Interview Mistakes.

What are the Common Interview Mistakes? I'm glad you asked.

1. Being Long Winded. Trust me, you aren't nearly as interesting as you think you are. Keep your answers short and punchy.
2. Getting Off Track. Stick to the topic and question, and limit the meandering. Focus, get to the point, then conclude.
3. Reading Cue Cards. It's easy to go on autopilot when you're asked the same question a thousand times. Remember that this may be the first time your audience hears your answer, so make sure you don't sound like you're repeating something you memorized.
4. No Enthusiasm. Being upbeat and enjoying the process is just as important as anything you have to say. Your answers won't be remembered. Your attitude will.
5. Being Boring. The best interviews entertain as well as inform. Infodumps are yawn-inducing. But clever banter, jokes, and controversy are always welcome.
6. Hesitating. In live interviews, using 'uh' and 'um' all the time is unprofessional, and sounds bad. In print interviews, make sure every word counts. You probably don't need many of those modifiers, that back story, or that description. Cut it.
7. Not Understanding Image. Too many authors don't consider what kind of image they want to portray. This is a lost opportunity, because a carefully cultivated and maintained image goes a long way to helping you establish your brand. I've worked hard to be known as a tireless self-promoter, as an outrageous personality, and as a writer who combines laughs with scares. Everything I do in the public eye is geared toward advancing these images.
8. Pomposity. No one likes a person who is self-absorbed, superior, dismissive, or ungrateful. Be nice, and be humble. Your shit stinks. Believe it.
9. Ignoring Time and Space. I'm not talking about physics. I'm talking about time slots and space considerations. If your radio spot is supposed to last for two minutes, don't have ten minutes worth of things to say. If your interview has to be 800 words, don't give them 2000. Stay within the expected duration.

Interviews are tremendous opportunities for writers. Don't waste them.

Ads

Though the venerable MJ Rose differs in opinion (and makes some good points) I don't believe that print advertising is effective or worthwhile.

My rationale is simple: I don't buy books because I view their ads, so I don't expect anyone else to do so either. Why would I spend money---sometimes a lot of money---using a form of promotion that I don't think is effective?

The trap many new authors fall into is that they realize this business is hard and they feel they must do something. So they indulge in what I call the Unholy Triad:

1. Send out postcards with their book jacket on them
2. Have bookmarks made
3. Buy ads in genre magazines

As far as my experience goes, none of these are effective forms of advertising, and none of them sells books.

Of the three, I believe ads are the least effective, while also being the most expensive.

Those who make their living by creating ads, and publications (including websites) that sell ad space, will tell you ads are effective for several reasons.

As an Announcement - For brand name authors, an ad informs the pre-existing readership that a new book is now available.

JA's Opinion - I slightly agree. If someone is a mega-huge bestseller, then an ad in a large publication (the New York Times, People Magazine, Entertainment Weekly) will help to spread the word.

But that author's die-hard fans will have already known about the book. They'll have viewed the author's website, read genre magazines and reviews, and have been eagerly anticipating it.

If you're a new or midlist author, a big ad won't affect those who haven't heard of you, and your diehard fans will probably already know about the upcoming release.

As a Reinforcement - Advertising is just part of a writer's marketing and publicity arsenal; a prong on the multi-tined fork of book touring, conferences, media exposure, reviews, interviews, etc.

The goal of all marketing is to establish brands, and the more places a would-be customer can see references to your book, the likelier it will be lodged in their subconscious.

JA's Opinion - I disagree. Advertising is so pervasive, we tune it out. The passive nature of print ads makes this very easy to do. Because most ads offer little in the way of actual content (other than an announcement) they are instantly recognized as ads by our subconscious and dismissed.

I'll prove my point. Other than any ads for your own books, can you recall someone else's book ad? If you're a reader, you've seen thousands. You can remember TV commercials from 20 years ago. But can you close your eyes and visualize a book ad you've seen before?

And if you do in fact remember a few, did you buy the books?

As an Introduction - Ads arouse curiosity about new authors and books. If someone is a noir fan, and actively seeks out noir, an ad could make them aware of something they hadn't known existed.

JA's Opinion - I disagree. You can't judge a book by its ad. First of all, ads are biased, and people know this. Ads don't impart any information that would allow the reader to make an informed decision about whether or not to buy the book.

Second, even if the ad did pique interest, there is no forward momentum that will lead to a sale. If you see an effective print ad, what is the likelihood you'll put down the magazine and then rush to the computer or immediately jump into the car and head to a bookstore?

As an Incentive - A print ad that provokes action, such as a coupon, sale announcement, or contest, offers value. Ads like this give to the consumer, rather than take from them, and are effective.

JA's Opinion - I agree, if the ad is for a grocery store or Wal-Mart. No one has effectively used coupons to sell books.

Every once and a while a publisher will cut the price of a book (like $4.99 paperbacks or $15 hardcovers) as an incentive to buy, but that's a point of purchase incentive.

Publishers will also occasionally have big contests to launch books. Win money, or a trip, or a car. Considering how rarely this is done, I can't imagine they're having huge successes with this gimmick. I believe that people buy books because they like the books, not because they could win a cruise.

In my experience, getting people to enter a contest is difficult, because there is no momentum between ad and action.

Ads as Status - Big splashy ads, or a large ad campaign, tells readers that this is a big book which the publisher is behind, and they should see what all the buzz is about. If an author seems to be everywhere, they must be good, and they will be talked about.

JA's Opinion - The amount of hype it takes to impress a reader is beyond anyone's capacity, unless you're Dan Brown.

But I do think it is important to get your name in as many palces as possible. Instead of ads, do interviews, articles, and shorts stories. These are free (or they pay you) and you can still get a piece of the buzz pie.

Who are Ads Really For? - I think that ads are so pervasive in this world not because they work well, but because they appeal to the vanity of the advertiser, and offer a false sense of empowerment.

Author X has a book coming out. She places ads because she feels she has to be doing something. Publisher Y wants to impress Author X, so they take out some big ads to show her that they're behind her.

Lots of money gets wasted, both on creating and placing these ads, and this budget gets tacked onto the Profit and Loss statement for this book.

My publisher placed several ads for BLOODY MARY in mystery magazines, including The Strand, Crimespree, Ellery Queen, and Alfred Hitchcock, to the tune of a few grand. That meant I'd have to sell over 1000 books beyond what I would have normally sold, as a direct result of the ads. I don't think this occurred.

I liked the ads a lot (here's one at http://www.jakonrath.com/Ad3.jpg) and really appreciated my publisher's efforts. But it wasn't cost-effective, and I wouldn't ever ask them to do this again.

Should You Ever Buy an Ad? - Well, I just did.

I know, I know---I just spent this entire blog railing against print ads, so why would I buy one?

Here's the story: The mystery zine Crimespree, run by the always charming Jon and Ruth Jordan, is putting out a special issue for Thrillerfest. This issue is being given away free, as a promotional item to get new readers interested in the magazine. That means everyone at Thrillerfest will get a copy.

Jon is reprinting a funny article by me, tweaked for the Thrillerfest audience, to put into this issue. So he's giving me free publicity.

For him to afford to give out magazines gratis, he needs authors to pay for ads. So me placing an ad is quid pro quo.

Plus, having an ad in conjunction with my article will perhaps help me stand out a smidgen while surrounded by all of those superstar authors. Or not.

I thought at length about the kind of ad I wanted to put in Crimespree. What would be memorable? What would get people talking and get them curious about my books?

This is what I came up with: http://www.jakonrath.com/Ad4.jpg

It took about ten minutes to put together, at no cost to me, and I think it's funny, effective, and unusual enough to stand out.

Will it sell piles of books?

I'm not holding out much hope.

But I think it will get a few second glances, and a laugh or two.

And if any author reading this is interested, I can do a similar ad for you, for the small fee of nine hundred dollars. Because without advertising, you might as well just flush your career down the toilet...

Work Ethics

Let's talk for a moment about successful people.

They have a commonality, whether they're Brittany Spears or Michael Jordan or Bill Gates or Nora Roberts. It isn't genius, or talent, or luck, though they may have some of that.

No, the thing that most success stories have in common is: Hard work, perserverence, and sacrifice.

Nobody gets handed a successful career. There are failures beforehand. Adversity. Set-backs. Mistakes. Learning curves. Hurdles to overcome. Refusal to give up.

Not too many bestselling authors debuted at #1 on the List. It was a gradual climb, over many years and many books. Lots of writing. Lots of promotion. Lots of persevervence and dedication.

I have life-long friends in Corporate America, and I find it interesting how many parallels there are between their careers and mine. We'll talk about long work weeks, and travel, and business politics and gossip, and competition. What happens in the publishing undustry happens in the engineering industry and the finance industry.

For my friends in the corporate world, I composed this list:

JA Konrath's 12 Steps to Success

1. Sleep is for babies and old women.

2. If you have anything left in the tank at the end of the day, you didn't work hard enough.

3. Fate is a future you didn't change.

4. There's a word for someone who never gives up... successful.

5. No one became rich or famous by being a good parent.

6. There's more to life than work, I've heard.

7. Vacation is a perfect opportunity to work hard in a different location.

8. If your boss doesn't push you as hard as you push yourself, your boss sucks.

9. If you don't take the credit, someone less deserving will.

10. Work smarter and harder.

11. You don't win races without facing some injuries.

12. Pain is temporary, chicks dig scars, and you need to stop reading blogs and get back to work.

----------------------------

The list was meant to be tongue in cheek, but looking at it now, it isn't as silly as I'd intended it to be.

Obviously, this isn't a recipe for leading a balanced, fulfilling life. But it isn't a bad course to follow if you're consumed with desire for success at the cost of everything else. And it's probably the course that Brittany, Michael, Bill, and Nora followed.

Everyone is looking for that edge, that way to get to the next level. In publishing, the buzz is all about high concept, hooks, marketing, publicity, promotion, advertising, and coop.

Somehow, good old-fashioned hard work got left in the dust.

You need to write a good book. You need to have a good agent. You need to have your publisher behind you.

But most of all, you need to bust your ass. And if it isn't busted yet, you only have one person to blame for your lack of success.

Weaknesses

My name is JA Konrath, and I have trouble answering my email.

It sneaks up on me. I'll miss a day of replies. Then two days. And by the end of the month, I have 380 emails in my Inbox that need to be answered.

A lot of it is fan mail. A good deal of it is other authors, asking advice. Some of it is people asking for me to do an appearance.

I always answer the important stuff immediately, such as from my editors and agents. But the other stuff I always put off until it's overwhelming.

I'm not complaining. I much prefer it to getting no email at all. MUCH.

But if you've emailed me in the last month and haven't heard back, I want to tell you it isn't because I'm ignoring you.

Well, not ignoring you specifically. I'm ignoring everybody equally, so don't feel as if I've signalled you out for snubbing.

And I will get to replying. Eventually.

But this ongoing problem of mine made me think about my professional weaknesses. I can rattle off my strengths easily, as I'm sure more writers can name theirs---we all seem to know what we're good at.

But perhaps it is more important to find out what we're not good at, and strive to improve these things.

Timely answering of email is one of my flaws. Remembering names is another (I sometimes forget the names of my children---I'm awful with names.) Being impetuous (rather than careful) is yet another which has gotten me into trouble before.

These problems can be fixed, if I work at them. And having identified them, I'll make an effort to change. I'll set aside specific times to answer email. I'll pay more attention to names. I'll try to slow down and think before acting impulsively.

What are your professional weaknesses, and how will you fix them? And is it possible to turn a weakness into a strength?

Today's Motivational

Are you discouraged, depressed, angry, or overwhelmed by your writing career?

Check all that apply to you:

• You can't find an agent.
• Your agent can't sell your book.
• You can't finish your book.
• You can't sell your short story.
• Your book isn't selling well.
• Your publisher isn't doing anything to promote you.
• You got a bad review.
• You didn't get any reviews.
• You had a poorly attended signing/event/appearance.
• You're not making enough money.
• You're not making any money.
• Your family and friends aren't supportive.
• You keep getting rejections.
• Your career is stagnant.
• Your career is on the down swing.
• You don't have a career.
• You don't see any results from your efforts.
• You no longer make an effort.
• You're trying your best and nothing is working out.

If any of these apply to you, what's the solution? To keep banging your head against the wall, with no end in sight? To give up and move on? To completely change the way you're doing things? To celebrate small victories, and try to learn from failures?

No. No. No. And no.

Take a hint from poorly written characters and look at what you're doing. You're reacting.

Each of the above complaints is a reaction to something.

Reaction is passive. In fiction, passive is a no-no.

Be active.

The results of your actions are out of your hands--you have no control over them. But you have 100% control over what your do.

You got into this business for a reason. Reaching that goal involves action, not reaction.

Getting discouraged, depressed, angry, or overwhelmed isn't going to get you closer to your goal.

But writing, submitting, and promoting will get you closer. Even if you don't immediately see the results.

Don't psych yourself out of the game. A thousand mile journey begins with a single step.

As long as you keep putting one foot in front of the other, the finish line isn't simply possible.

It's inevitable.

Tess Gerritsen's Blog

Not that she needs my help, but if you haven't checked out Tess's blog lately, she's finally entered the 21st Century and upgraded to a new look that allows readers to post comments.

Visit her at http://www.tessgerritsen.com/blog and say hello. Link to her too. Tess is a rarity in this profession: A bestseller who is gracious, generous, not the least bit conceited, and actually takes the time to interact with her fans.

And remember: No one tell her that she's entered a black hole that will absorb hours and hours of her writing time. Mum's the word.

Copycatting

I have a dirty confession to make.

When my agent was shopping my first Jack Daniels book around to publishers, she compared it to Janet Evanovich. When Hyperion bought the series, they compared it to Janet Evanovich. I also began comparing my books to Evanovich's, because hers had a female lead and were funny, as were mine, and many people told me they were similar. Reviewers mentioned it. Blurbers mentioned it. My publisher thought enough of the comparison to make my book covers brightly colored, easily mistaken at a distance for those of the Divine Miss E.

I'd always intended to read Evanovich. Really. But as my career took off, I spent all my time reading for blurbs, or to help newbies, or the books of my friends, and I never got around to reading any Janet. Even though I continued to compare my books to hers.

I recently had an offer from Benbella books to write an essay about Janet Evanovich for an upcoming book. I like Benbella (they are releasing a collection of James Bond essays this summer, which includes a funny one by me) so I said yes.

In order to write this essay, I thought it prudent to read the Stephanie Plum series. Which I've been doing. And it has shocked me. Why?

Because my writing is awfully similar to Janet Evanovich's.

If someone reads Janet's books, and then my books, they could easily think I was imitating her. But I'm not. It would be a neat trick, copying someone I've never read.

Still, some of the similarities are eerie. Stephanie's screwed-up life is similar to Jack's, her Grandma Mazur is similar to Jack's Mom, her partner Lula is similar to Jack's partner Herb, Ranger is similar to Phin, and the goofy characters and the dialog strike similar chords.

I wondered how this could be. First I considered evolution, and common ancestors.

When I was younger, I read Robert B. Parker, and Ed McBain, and John D. MacDonald, and Rob Kantner, and Dave Barry, and Lawrence Block. If I was imitating any writing styles when I first started out, it was their styles. Perhaps it was the same for Ms. Evanovich. If she's a Spenser fan, that could be the link; we both imitate Parker. What's strange is that when you read Parker's Sunny Randall books, they seem like much more of a rip-off of Evanovich than my books, but in reality they are just a female version of Spenser.

Perhaps there are only so many ways to create likeable series characters. They should be flawed, somewhat neurotic, have goofy larger-than-life sidekicks, and the same goals and dreams that all people have. It is possible, even likely, that similar books can arise independent of one another.

The Jack books have some Robert Parker type wisecracks in them. They also have some Thomas Harris scares and some Richard Stark noir. But ultimately, they are Konrath. At this point in my career, my style is my own, and I like to think it's pretty distinguishable. And, hopefully, some new writer is reading my stuff and imitating the hell out of it.

As for Janet---the first nine books in the series are a lot of fun. If you like Jack, check them out.

A Discouraging Word

You ever notice how when someone says, "I never do this" it means they are just about to do whatever it is they're speaking about?

Well, I never quote my email. Until now.

I get a lot of email of the, "Joe you're an inspiration" variety. I love getting this type of email, because it means I'm not just screaming into the wind. I used to joke that I was an inspiration to dozens. I now hear from dozens a month.

But this email really threw me, and I'm not sure how to react to it:

I just read your entire ‘tips’ series on your site http://www.jakonrath.com/tips.html (including the video). Very informative and entertaining. This should be required reading for anyone considering writing as a career.

Thank you, sincerely, thank you for sharing your experience, and for the sheer volume of useful, real-world information about writing and the publishing industry. Based on what I have learned, I have decided to burn my own book before it is even finished (I will have to print it out first), and as a replacement, take up Everquest as my life’s pursuit.

I will also pick up copies of all your books, as payment in kind for the sage advice on my career path. It was well worth it.

signed, A Future Fan, and Former Almost-Writer

A few things hit me at once when I read this.

1. I just crushed someone's dream.
2. Am I really that scary and discouraging when I talk about this business?
3. That was a really well written letter, and this person probably has talent.

It's not a matter of opinion when I talk about how difficult publishing is. This business is brutal to get in, and brutal to stay in.

Though I only landed an agent 7 years ago, a lot has happened in the industry since then. Silly as it sounds now, when I was breaking in the Internet was still on the fringe of mainstream. Most agents and authors didn't have websites. There were no bloggers giving advice, telling me how the system actually worked. There were no huge writing websites or forums. The only way to talk to pros was through snail mail that took months.

For the newbie writer, the Internet is manna from heaven.

But is this information empowering, or discouraging? Do you require a certain amount of ignorance to slay the dragon, because you'd never even attempt it if you knew every single fact? Or is being forewarned being forearmed?

I've said before that wasting your life on impossible goals only leads to anger, frustration, discouragement, and depression. But in this society, we idolize people who beat the odds. We love the underdog stories, the "you'll never walk again" guy who wins in the Olympics, the "you're an awful singer" who winds up on MTV, the "rejected 500 times" guy who lands a three book deal. And we idolize these people for a reason--they we able to defy the odds and reach their goals, and didn't let anything stop them.

It's important to know your limitations. But it's also important to pursue your dreams. And don't let me, the Internet, or the publishing industry discourage you from trying.

You can do it. I'm proof.

2006 Genny Award Winner!

The observant among you may have noticed a new award in my sidebar.

The 2006 Genny Awards for Best Blog have been announced, and I'm a winner!

My attitude toward awards is well known--I'm honored to be nominated, and happy to get them, but I don't think they do much.

However, some people think they are a big deal, even if they've never heard of the award before.

That's why, twenty minutes ago using Photoshop, I created the Genny Awards. (Genny stands for disingenuous.)

Naturally, I gave myself the first award.

The judging was tough, and there was probably some stiff competition, but the outcome was never in question.

I'd like to thank myself, for winning, and for creating the Genny's. I'd also like to thank you, my faithful blog readers, for not voting for me, because there is no voting for the Genny's. Anyone who wants one, gets one.

In fact, you all deserve a Genny Award for Best Blog of 2006.

If you want a Genny, feel free to steal the Genny image, and you too can be a Genny winner. I'm easy that way.

Let me know you're a winner by posting a response to this blog and placing the image on your website.

If enough people win, I'll make a fake website that you can also link to.

Congratulations all 2006 Genny winners!