Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Top Ten Reasons Books Are Better Than Sex

10. With books, it's socially acceptable to read both men and women.

9. A book never has to ask "Was it good for you?" --- and then lie and say it was.

8. You don't have to shower after reading a book, except maybe Ann Coulter.

7. The pope says you can have books before marriage.

6. You don't have to get a book drunk first.

5. Books last longer than three minutes.

4. If you don't like what you see between the covers, you can toss it aside and find another book right away.

3. With books, length isn't important.

2. A book can make you sick, but not the kind of sick that requires a trip to the clinic.

1. You can have a new book every night, and they don't get jealous.


  1. Great list - particularly no 8!


  2. this is awesome! I'm going to share with everybody (which is also something that you can do with a book!)

  3. Anonymous1:38 PM

    Vewry Good.

    Steve in Germany.

  4. Anonymous1:40 PM

    JA, while I appreciate your point, there's also a counterpoint.


    5. With sex, there's never a mystery as to who's doing what to who.

    4. Sex can be done in the back of a dark cab.

    3. If you do it when you're drunk, it still makes perfect sense.

    2. With books, if you can't read good, you're out of luck. With sex, there's a little pill.

    1. With sex, you never have to flip back to remind yourself what the plot is about or what the goal of the protagonist is.

  5. Very true JA, very funny.

  6. #1 reason should've been: generally better reviews ;)

  7. I have to respectfully disagree with a couple of Anonymous' points:
    2. A little blue pill does not equate with being able to "read good", only with being able to sound out the words.
    1. I'm old enough to have had some lousy dates. Trust me, there were times I wasn't certain of their goal...

  8. Great list!

    I must share this with others.

    Have a good one Joe!

  9. Anonymous7:35 PM

    Whether I read it fast or read it slowly, I can enjoy the book until I'm done, and the book is never disappointed that I didn't take longer.

  10. I prefer books about/with sex! If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, eh?

  11. lol, that was a great list. :D

  12. This comment has been removed by the author.

  13. Anonymous8:51 PM

    with some books you can beat it... oops did I say that outloud?


  14. Anonymous2:29 AM

    Trying to send you a mail on but thry return undelivered?

  15. And how about adding: It's much easier to hook up with a good book, since not all the good ones are taken already....

  16. Hilarious...this is a post I have to share with everyone I know. Good stuff!

  17. Anonymous2:49 AM

    Dear Joe

    As a literary agent in the Dutch speaking part (Flanders) of Belgium, I work in Flanders and The Netherlands with most of the time American and Irish hardboiled authors, which is a hard task, but I think the future looks somewhat brighter. As I found out, not one of your books has already been translated into Dutch, so I am asking: are you agented and do I ask your agent or will you send this mail to him/her, or are you doing your own hard work? I read some of the chapters of your Konrath novels and find them very interesting. But as you will understand I am also interested in the Killborn novel (you can mail it to me).
    Do I hear from you?


    Walter A.P. Soethoudt

  18. I've been thinking about this list enough in the past couple of days that I was inspired to add my own list to my own blog of Top Ten Reasons I Put Sex In My Stories. J.
    A., you rock! :)

  19. Thankin' you for the snort laugh....

  20. You can also add; books never say "not tonight honey I have a headache," and they don't need batteries. They are always there ready when you are.


  21. LOL, thanks for the laugh of the day :)

  22. Wow, Joe. You're getting some really bizarre comments with this one. Pressure blowers? An 'agent' in the Netherlands? Yikes, man . . .

    Still, great post. :-)

  23. Anonymous10:15 PM

    Hey Joe, thanks for the useful
    "publishing" tips...

    Having collected my fill of rejections - [my agent is less useful than belly button lint]- I am about to self publish...

    Check out my column in StreetWise [Chicago]- I write FOODWISE.


  24. This is an awesome top ten list. Although I really, really love books, I'm going to have to disagree with this list.

    You should post this to my buddy's site or you can make your own at

  25. Hi Joe,

    I tried mailing to the email address on your J.A. Konrath website, and it's being returned as undeliverable. So I am writing this here instead.

    I am writing to tell you I have started a new blog called finding free ebooks. I hope to maintain a steady stream of links to free ebooks, mostly individual author sites. Because it's set up like it is, people can sign up for the rss feed and be notified of new additions easily. They can also come and search the site. I'm trying to include a bit about genre and what's available on each site in my blog posts to help people decide which authors to check out. So it's not just a dry list of links. Please have a look and send me any comments or suggestions.

    I have added your site to this new blog. If you post a new book online, please let me know so I can update my blog.

    I would appreciate a link back, if you don't mind. If not, it's ok.

    If you want to be removed from the blog, that's fine. Let me know.

    You can email me through a link on my blog, or leave a comment.



  26. Anonymous12:53 PM

    Hahah, wow. This is a little sad. But that only makes it funnier!


Thanks for the comment! Joe will get back to you eventually. :)