Friday, September 14, 2007

The Top Ten Signs You're Spending Too Much Time Online

10. Not only do you Google your name daily, but you also Google possible misspellings of your name.

9. Your mood fluctuates with your Amazon ranking.

8. Your main form of communication with your family is email.

7. You have a chamber pot under your desk so you don't miss anything.

6. Your computer keeps crashing because you have seven chat clients simultaneously running 24/7.

5. You've developed a callous on your mouse finger.

4. Your ass has taken on the permanent shape of your desk chair.

3. You forgot you owned a TV.

2. You've "pimped out" your MySpace page.

1. After reading this, you just have to share it with everyone you know.


  1. Normally I don't post fluff like this, but I wrote this fluff, and I wrote it because pretty much everything is true.

    Except for the chamber pot. But I've actually thought about it, along with a fifteen foot catheter that drains into the sink.

  2. I live for fluff. Thanks for the laughs!

    I really hate it when I wake up and my eyelashes are caked with dried blood. Annoying as hell when you're trying to type in a link.

  3. 5 out of 10. No, you may not know which 5.

  4. Actually, I've got too many IM clients to do anything about MySpace.

    And the last time I had sex was via Google Chat.


  5. Even though my book isn't out yet, I was obsessed with Amazon's rankings...until I learned that Barnes & Noble also posts sales rankings. Now I'm obsessed with those.

  6. Does zero out of 10 mean I'm not spending enough time on the net?

  7. Obsessively checking your Amazon rankings isn't bad. Doing it while plucking out your eyebrows and rocking back and forth in the dark, that's bad.

    Thanks for the fluff--and yes Jim, TMI.

  8. Set up iGoogle with a blog search for your name/recent book title, then make it your home page. It's not obsessive checking if it's automatic ;-)

  9. Anonymous4:52 PM

    Sorry to hear about your misshapen ass, Joe. You might want to dig out that television. Maybe What Not to Wear can give you some pointers for camouflaging that particular problem. Vertical lines and pointed-toe pumps, or something. ;)

  10. I can relate to some of these. Not good. :D

  11. Anonymous10:29 AM

    Thanks for the laugh. I can relate to so many of these. Gack! I must be spending too much time online!


  12. I am spending too much time online... I rush to facebook and show my brother my new writing... LOL

  13. I hear you and applaud you, Chica!


  14. Love the new look, Joe!

  15. Anonymous5:30 AM

    JA. Great cover. Heads up. I found this sexy link under your "writing and having fun" link:

  16. you might want to delete that link from's a porn site...
    sigh! I got suckered into clicking on it.

    so annoying!