Tuesday, April 01, 2014

My Last Blog Post

Over three years ago, I did a blog post about successful self-published authors, and how many of them tried out self-publishing because they read my blog.

I ended the blog post with this offer:

You hear that, NY Publishing? You truly want to slow the growth of ebooks?

Shut me up.

I'm willing to be bought off. Pass around a collection envelope, like you do for employee birthdays. For a million bucks, I promise I'll never blog about ebooks, or help another writer, ever again.

Since that post I've written several hundred more, encouraging authors to self-publish while explaining, in excruciating detail, why legacy publishing wasn't a wise choice.

I'll never know how many people I've impacted with this blog, but more and more authors continue to leave legacy publishers behind and find success on their own. NY Publishing knows this. So now, after I've likely done more damage to the legacy industry than any single person in history, they've finally decided to pay me off.

You read that right. Several large publishers have acknowledged the irreparable harm this blog has caused them, and they've given me one million dollars to stop blogging.

Since I'm a man of my word, I have no choice but to comply.

I shall blog no more forever.

I'll miss posting my numbers, and fisking legacy pinheads, and extolling the virtues of self-publishing. But a deal is a deal, and a million bucks ain't chump change.

A portion of my windfall will go to my favorite charity, MechaDogs.com, a non-profit organization that makes robotic tails for dogs who have lost theirs in skiing accidents. The rest will go towards beer.

It's been a good run, and I want to thank all of my blog readers for making this blog such a harmful weapon against the idiocy of legacy publishing.

Part of the deal includes me deleting all of my previous blog posts, so if you have any favorites, you have 24 hours save them via cut and paste. Then I'm erasing everything.

Thanks for reading, and goodbye.

72 comments:

Chris Redding said...

Oh snap!
LOL

Elisabeth Zguta said...

April fools - let's hope

Anonymous said...

Good one.

But you'd never have gone for a million. That was way too cheap.

Unknown said...

You had me for about 10 seconds, only because every bit of good humor has an element of truth in it. The legacy publishing industry is sounding so desperate lately, that it wouldn't surprise me at all if they offered you a million dollars to close shop!

Anonymous said...

APRIL FOOLS! It better be! LOL

Anonymous said...

Well, that escalated quickly

/Anchorman

Silas Payton said...

I'm reminded of Austin Powers with his pinky beside his mouth asking for 'One Million Dollars'. The times have changed and you've upped the stakes from three years ago.

Also, I'd like to think that you enjoy what you do so much that you wouldn't stop even if they did try and pay you off.

Your posts were a catalyst to start me on Novel writing. My first will be released within a month - on cover design and final edit. Thanks for the inspiration.

Shel Delisle said...

You got me! But where's the link to MechaDogs.com *giggle,snort*

Anonymous said...

I hope it's AF. Because I don't have time today to save off a bajillion of your good advice and inspirational posts. :)

Gerald Hornsby said...

A million is far too cheap. You would have held out for five, at least.

Michael R pdx said...

Part of the deal is to delete the old stuff? I don't remember that.

Dr. Evil, not Austin Powers, demanded the million dollars.

Tuan Ho said...

Happy April Fool's!

William J. Thomas said...

I look forward to your April 1st post every year. Gracias.

Rob Cornell said...

And a happy April Fools to you as well. :)

tonyl said...

We’ll miss you when you’re gone, Joe, but I think that’ll be a while yet.
Happy AF to you and everyone.

Mark said...

Had me going for a few seconds. Nice April Fool's joke.

Mir said...

Yeah, yeah. If it weren't April 1, I'd be weeping and begging for reconsideration. :D

Corduroy King said...

Holy cow you had me until I looked at the calendar and realized that it was April 1st. Damn you Joe!

Anne R. Tan said...

Haha. You almost had me for a second. This blog has given me the courage to give self publishing a shot. I just self pub my first novel last week and the results are great by my book (pun intended). Thank you for this blog.

Julie Kramer said...

I know you write an April Fool's blog every year, so I specifically tuned in to see what it would be. This was a good one. April Fool til next year's laugh.

mhmoore said...

hahaha!!!! got me last year.....lol....not this one and I agree with others... a million is WAY too cheap and you would never delete any of your previous writings...hehehehe...gonna go do something creative now

WayneThomasBatson said...

April Fools...nice. The title had me. But as soon as I read the 1mil figure, I knew it was a ruse. Now, if it had been a million dollars and three micro breweries of your choice?

w. adam mandelbaum esq. said...

go thou and sin no more

Lynn Osterkamp said...

You had me there for a minute, Joe. Glad it's April 1!

Scott Gordon said...

Nice April Fool's Joke!

Stephen T. Harper said...

Happy April 1st, Joe.

I almost forgot.

NJMANGA said...

lol thats funny you had me going lol but that would of been cool lol

L. Margaret Martin said...

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!! Come on. A million bucks in the new ten grand. You wouldn't do this for any less than a billion.

PJR said...

I've stopped reading your blog, and on the same day. Remarkable!

William Van Winkle said...

What? No news story on how recently leaked Snowden files show the Big 5 collaborating with Homeland Security to destroy your life if you don't confess your sins against trad publishing?

Kyra Halland said...

Hey, if I make a donation to MechaDogs, can I have a guest post on your blog?

...never mind.

Guy Medley said...

Who would have thought the great Joe Konrath could be bought off for such chump change? I doubt $10 million could clam you up.

Joseph said...

Me: Oh fuck is April Fools or something?

It was. :-)

Victor Mhangwana said...

Had me for a while there. Could not see you giving in so easily for a mere mil...Then I remembered it was April Fools day. Nicely done!

Geraldine Evans said...

I also had a smidgeon on an idea it might NOT be an April Fools Day joke.

But then, your posts over the years, Joe, prove the Big Whatever, for all the educated people they employ, lack a little in the common sense area.

It would have been a snip at one million to shut you up!

Jeff Ezell said...

Some things money can't buy. Like your silence...Joe. That's what we all respect.
Now the 3 micro-brewery suggestion gave me an idea for a modest proposal. What say we readers and participants of this blog all chip in and buy 1 micro-brewery. Joe will be the brew-master emeritus and official taste-master. The rest of us build the brand and drink up the profits as best we can. It shall be known world wide as BLOGGER LAGER!!!
May the fools of April forever laugh. (Legacy "Pubbers" shall forever provide a fountain of humor until they are no more!)

mshatch said...

I almost bought this until I remembered that my son told me he heard the Patriots released Gronk today...nice one :)

William Kendall said...

Brilliantly done, Joe!

David Nielsen said...

lattedm over

Unknown said...

call

Joseph Finley said...

I was having heartburn until I realized the date! Then I Googled Mechadogs.com and that was about it!

Richard Schiver said...

Happy April Fools day.

Hollis Shiloh said...

Happy April 1st to you, too!

Norma Beishir said...

Good one, Joe!

Karen Woodward said...

Whew! I believed it for a second, but then I thought, no, not Joe. He wouldn't sell out, especially not for a million dollars. A billion, though ... ;)

Seriously, love your posts; your blog has been an inspiration.

Fizz Clockwatcher said...

Wicked!

Eric Daugherty said...

I was half way through that before the light bulb went off. Very not funny Joe. Well... maybe a little bit funny.

And besides if the Big5 were smart enough to give Mr. Konrath a million bucks to shut up they would have been smart enough to actually listen to some of the things he has said over the last few years.

Chris said...

You know, you need to make your pranks more realistic. Ask if I have Prince Albert in a can. Tell me aliens have been spotted in the white house.

But New York publishing LEARNING something? C'mon. You'd have done better to tell us that the Easter Bunny touched you inappropriately.

Avril Sabine said...

Thanks for giving us all a laugh.

Terri Herman-Ponce said...

April Fool's right back to you. Though I like the robotic tail idea. Skiing accidents can be tough.

Judith Mercado said...

Say it ain't so, Joe

France Forever said...

24/7 in France: Amusing post for le poisson d'avril (April 1st)!

Donna Hanton said...

Found this in my RSS feed this morning and just about had a heart attack. Then I realized it was posted yesterday!!
Happy April Fools!

TM said...

April Fool!

Neil said...

Joe,
Your words(and success with same) have changed so many lives..including mine. I caught the April 1st thing right away. The 'skiing dog accidents' reminded me of another inspiring bit of writing on the same subject.
Brian Clark of Copyblogger wrote a post about it here.. http://www.copyblogger.com/the-secret-of-life/.
From my comment at the bottom of that post.." I’ve been uncertainly chasing the wrong things. I’m really grateful for the reminder. Your words just changed my view of the path."
Your words,Joe, have done the same for me as well. Much continued success.
Regards.

DW Hirsch said...

So Joe...if this is truly a April Fool's joke...I bet your site got more hits than ever today! Kudos! (And if it's not a joke, or if ever not a joke, you will be missed.) DW Hirsch

Alinka Rutkowska said...

Whoa! I just panicked there for a second ;)

Walter Knight said...

Joe is not kidding. I delivered the cashier's check myself.

Sorry, he's gone, last seen staggering aimlessly toward the mission, drinking suds on Magnificent Mile in Chicago. Too bad, so sad.

Amber Dane said...

Good post :)
By the way, love the newsletter!

Scout Dakota said...

Oh crap! You totally got me. Thank god it was a joke!!!!!!

Jerry Dugan said...

Nice. I had just said to myself, "What?! I just started following your blog!" then I caught on. Well played.

Jason Cook said...

Just realized the post date.

Jason Cook said...

What about dentures for geriatric hounds?

Laura Crawford said...

You had me at robotic tails for dogs. :) Thanks for continuing to inspire. :) Laura

Patrice Fitzgerald said...

O.M.G.

I'm grieving here...

(big sobs).

We'll miss you, Joe.

Anonymous said...

OH MAN for a moment I was frantic to start saving my favourite posts... :)

Laverdad said...

Yeh, that's Gold. I'd expect nothing less!! Now get back to writing please...I am eagerly awaiting the release of your next novels !!!

Greg Strandberg said...

So I guess a good post to get back into it would be one profiling another 22 up-and-comers you can link back to in 3 years.

You're still on Kboards, right? Shouldn't be too hard.

Stephanie Fabulous said...

Ha ha! Good one!

Donna said...

Tracy answers to this post on his website, fyi

Allan said...

Joe, I understand legacy publishing is going to handle the wholesale distribution on failed mecho-dog transplants. Has to be wholesale, no one can re-tail them.

Kit Daven said...

I've been suckered by some of your previous posts, but I'm on to you. As soon as I read the title to this post, my gut response was Buuullshiiiite!
:p