Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Top Ten Reasons Books Are Better Than Sex

10. With books, it's socially acceptable to read both men and women.

9. A book never has to ask "Was it good for you?" --- and then lie and say it was.

8. You don't have to shower after reading a book, except maybe Ann Coulter.

7. The pope says you can have books before marriage.

6. You don't have to get a book drunk first.

5. Books last longer than three minutes.

4. If you don't like what you see between the covers, you can toss it aside and find another book right away.

3. With books, length isn't important.

2. A book can make you sick, but not the kind of sick that requires a trip to the clinic.

1. You can have a new book every night, and they don't get jealous.

34 comments:

Chris Wood said...

Great list - particularly no 8!

LOL

Aim said...

this is awesome! I'm going to share with everybody (which is also something that you can do with a book!)

Anonymous said...

Vewry Good.

Steve in Germany.

Anonymous said...

JA, while I appreciate your point, there's also a counterpoint.

THE TOP FIVE REASONS SEX IS BETTER THAN BOOKS.

5. With sex, there's never a mystery as to who's doing what to who.

4. Sex can be done in the back of a dark cab.

3. If you do it when you're drunk, it still makes perfect sense.

2. With books, if you can't read good, you're out of luck. With sex, there's a little pill.

1. With sex, you never have to flip back to remind yourself what the plot is about or what the goal of the protagonist is.

ben said...

Very true JA, very funny.

Dave Zeltserman said...

#1 reason should've been: generally better reviews ;)

Gayle Carline said...

I have to respectfully disagree with a couple of Anonymous' points:
2. A little blue pill does not equate with being able to "read good", only with being able to sound out the words.
1. I'm old enough to have had some lousy dates. Trust me, there were times I wasn't certain of their goal...

*Akilah Sakai* said...

Great list!

I must share this with others.

Have a good one Joe!

BMH said...

Whether I read it fast or read it slowly, I can enjoy the book until I'm done, and the book is never disappointed that I didn't take longer.

Jen Bluekissed said...

I prefer books about/with sex! If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, eh?

jenbluekissederotica.blogspot.com

James Goodman said...

lol, that was a great list. :D

Jude Hardin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

with some books you can beat it... oops did I say that outloud?


WELTY69

Anonymous said...

Trying to send you a mail on
haknort@comcast.net but thry return undelivered?

walter.soethoudt@telenet.be

luos said...

The season finale of the NHRA's Powerade High pressure blower Series began with Pedregon holding a 12-point Industrial fan edge over Wilkerson and a 39-point Industrial blower lead over Hight.A near capacity crowd -- perhaps Commercial blower sensing that the title could be decided early -- had maneuvered ugg boots around shuttered freeways and other roads closed by the Wholesale Jewelry Southern California brush fires pressure blower and arrived on time for the pressure blowers opening round.It began with Pedregon advancing fans to the semifinals uggs by knocking out Jerry wholesale ugg boots Toliver.Then Wilkerson lost blowers to 14-time champion John Force.

A Paperback Writer said...

And how about adding: It's much easier to hook up with a good book, since not all the good ones are taken already....

Rebecca said...

Hilarious...this is a post I have to share with everyone I know. Good stuff!

Walter A.P. Soethoudt said...

Dear Joe

As a literary agent in the Dutch speaking part (Flanders) of Belgium, I work in Flanders and The Netherlands with most of the time American and Irish hardboiled authors, which is a hard task, but I think the future looks somewhat brighter. As I found out, not one of your books has already been translated into Dutch, so I am asking: are you agented and do I ask your agent or will you send this mail to him/her, or are you doing your own hard work? I read some of the chapters of your Konrath novels and find them very interesting. But as you will understand I am also interested in the Killborn novel (you can mail it to me).
Do I hear from you?
Thanks.

Walter

Walter A.P. Soethoudt
theSWitch
walter.soethoudt@telenet.be
http://www.theswitch-foreignrights.be

Jen Bluekissed said...

I've been thinking about this list enough in the past couple of days that I was inspired to add my own list to my own blog of Top Ten Reasons I Put Sex In My Stories. J.
A., you rock! :)

jenbluekissederotica.blogspot.com

Vickie said...

Thankin' you for the snort laugh....

Janice said...

You can also add; books never say "not tonight honey I have a headache," and they don't need batteries. They are always there ready when you are.

Janice~

DeSeRt RoSe said...

LOL, thanks for the laugh of the day :)

s.w. vaughn said...

Wow, Joe. You're getting some really bizarre comments with this one. Pressure blowers? An 'agent' in the Netherlands? Yikes, man . . .

Still, great post. :-)

Anonymous said...

Hey Joe, thanks for the useful
"publishing" tips...

Having collected my fill of rejections - [my agent is less useful than belly button lint]- I am about to self publish...

Check out my column in StreetWise [Chicago]- I write FOODWISE.

CJ

Starhplug said...

This is an awesome top ten list. Although I really, really love books, I'm going to have to disagree with this list.

You should post this to my buddy's site or you can make your own at http://www.toptentopten.com/.

Christine said...

Hi Joe,

I tried mailing to the email address on your J.A. Konrath website, and it's being returned as undeliverable. So I am writing this here instead.

I am writing to tell you I have started a new blog called finding free ebooks. I hope to maintain a steady stream of links to free ebooks, mostly individual author sites. Because it's set up like it is, people can sign up for the rss feed and be notified of new additions easily. They can also come and search the site. I'm trying to include a bit about genre and what's available on each site in my blog posts to help people decide which authors to check out. So it's not just a dry list of links. Please have a look and send me any comments or suggestions.

http://findingfreeebooks.blogspot.com/

I have added your site to this new blog. If you post a new book online, please let me know so I can update my blog.

I would appreciate a link back, if you don't mind. If not, it's ok.

If you want to be removed from the blog, that's fine. Let me know.

You can email me through a link on my blog, or leave a comment.

Thanks.

Christine

Persistent Pen said...

Hilarious!

Anonymous said...

Barron, 59,wow gold a former disguise expert for the CIA,wow gold helps seriously disfigured people blend back into society by designing prosthetic devices that look so real,wow power leveling most people don't notice they're there.2 A painter by training, Barron designs pores,wow gold veins and hair and skin imperfections into his silicone-layered creations - which have included fingers,wow power leveling hands, shoulders, ears and even entire faces.

Anonymous said...

The Japanese word for the lv ring phenomenon -- hikikomori -- translates Replica Watches as withdrawal, and it is Replica Handbagsbecoming increasingly study on his own familiar.Replica Handbag It is the subject of Coach Handbags television documentaries and newspaperGucci Handbags and magazine articles.
Many Rolex Watches adult shut-ins start as Replica Rolex Watchesschool dropouts. For a country Designer clothingobsessed with education, Designer replica handbagsthere is a surprisingly high Wholesale jewelrynumber of dropouts. A record 134,Replica rolex watches000 elementary and juniorreplica handbags high students were absentreplica watches from school for at least 30 data processing servicestraight days during thedata processing 2000-01 school year, and that began more than data processtwice the number 10 years ago.

Abe said instead of enrolling her data processing serviceson's school years were normal,data processing but in high school he failed the data processuniversity his withdrawalentrance exam. data processing serviceThat is not unusual; most who data processingfail study for another yeardata process and try again. Abe's son said he was going to in a cram school.

Anonymous said...

At 5 a.m.onworld of warcraft gold Oct.2,Crossbuy wow gold and Andrews were wheeledcheap wow gold into separatedofus kamas operating rooms,eachkamas dofus staffed by a team ofFinal Fantasy XI gil eight doctors andffxi gil nurses.(Cheng wouldbuy ffxi gilfollow at 9 a.m.)Firstlotro gold Dr.Ghobrial openedlotr gold up Andrews. After seeingflyff penya that his liver was inbuy flyff gold fine shape, Ghobrialflyff money sliced off a Runescape Moneylittle more than halfRunescape Power leveling of the organ's right side.Runescape Gold In the room down thebuy wow gold hall, Dr. Busuttil beganFinal Fantasy XI gil to remove Cross's liverffxi gil.11:30 a.m.Busuttilbuy ffxi gil connected the partialUgg Boots liver from Andrews to Cross's now-emptyUgg Boots liver cavity, stitchingUgg Boots together veins, arteries and bile ducts.

Anonymous said...

Barron, 59,wow gold a former disguise expert for the CIA,wow gold helps seriously disfigured people blend back into society by designing prosthetic devices that look so real,wow power leveling most people don't notice they're there.2 A painter by training, Barron designs pores,wow gold veins and hair and skin imperfections into his silicone-layered creations - which have included fingers,wow power leveling hands, shoulders, ears and even entire faces.

Anonymous said...

Barron, 59,wow gold a former disguise expert for the CIA,wow gold helps seriously disfigured people blend back into society by designing prosthetic devices that look so real,wow power leveling most people don't notice they're there.2 A painter by training, Barron designs pores,wow gold veins and hair and skin imperfections into his silicone-layered creations - which have included fingers,wow power leveling hands, shoulders, ears and even entire faces.

Angela said...

Hahah, wow. This is a little sad. But that only makes it funnier!

琪琪 said...

If on the other hand, you need a detailed manual, the instructions are there for you to access.
...........................................................
...