Saturday, April 19, 2008

For Those About To Give Up...

Meanwhile, in the NFL....

Coach: OK, guys. The first half was a little rough.

Player #1: Rough?!? We're getting creamed 78 to 3!

Coach: I understand that.

Player #2: The other team is killing us, coach! We're being humiliated!

Coach: I know. That's because they have a better owner, who spent more money on getting better players. It's hard to hear, but it's true. They also have a better coaching staff. It's all about the benjamins.

Player #3: So what do we do? How do we win?

Coach: We're not going to win. It's not within our power.

Player #1: Huh?

Coach: There's nothing any of us can do to win. It's up to the owner. He didn't come through with the cheddar, so we might as well give up.

Player #2: Isn't there anything we can do?

Coach: Nope.

Player #3: What about trying harder?

Coach: Won't work. We don't have the support of the owner. Without that influx of money and talent, we're all just spinning our wheels.

Player #1: But I'm a great player! I was on the all star team!

Player #2: I was a first round draft pick!

Player #3: I won awards!

Coach: It's not enough.

Player #2: What about heart? Effort?

Coach: None of that matters.

Player #1: This is a pretty shitty halftime speech, coach.

Coach: Why? it should be liberating. Once you know that you can't win, that success isn't possible, you can absolve yourself of blame.

Player #3: But we want to win.

Coach: Too bad. There's simply nothing you can do.

Player #2: We can refuse to give up. We can analyze what we've done before, and adjust our tactics. We can brainstorm new plans. We can keep trying our best.

Coach: Won't matter. You're doomed to fail. Only the owners can decide who wins. You don't have the power. Think of all the football players who play the game. Only a few are winners. We can't all be winners. You should accept that. In fact, if I were you, I wouldn't even finish this game. I know I'm not going back out there. What's the point?

Player #1: Well, when you put it that way, it sort of makes sense.

Player #3: Yeah. I mean, if we don't have any control anyway, why should we bother trying?

Coach: Now you're getting it. Forgive yourself this humiliating defeat. It isn't your fault. It's the owner's fault. Now who wants to go out and get ice cream?

Player #2: But we still have a game to finish!

Coach: There's no point. Nothing you do matters.

Player #2: But we can still try! We can still play our best!

Player #3: I'm getting Rocky Road.

Player #1: And a waffle cone. I love waffle cones.

Player #2: Guys! Come back! It's your names on the backs of those jerseys! This is your career! You're responsible for your success, not the owners! Guys...?

Announcer: Remember kids, success isn't up to you. Nothing you do to help your life matters, so you might as well give up now. Trying is for the ignorant. So just cross your fingers, and hope the money people get behind you.

This has been a public service message by PWUEIHW (People Who Use Excuses Instead of Hard Work.)


There will be people in life who tell you you're not going to make it.

And there will be times in life where you think your efforts are in vain.

Once you start making excuses rather than trying your best, you've lost.

You may not be able to guarantee the outcome.

But you can guarantee your best effort.

Now go get 'em, tiger.